Today I got out of the car and went into the store with Ava. When I came back out I noticed the tail light looked lit but assumed it was the angle of the sun. As I approached the passenger side door it sounded as though the engine was running. I looked around, trying to figure out who was sitting in their car with it running. I saw no one, of course, until…voila! I spot a woman parked two cars over and forward from me, rifling around with her engine running. It must be her, you crazy bitch, I thought to myself. There’s no way the car is running. You have the keys in your hand.

I open the door and the radio is on. The heat is on.

What the fuck?

I mutter a few choice words because, frankly, I feel like I’ve lost my damn mind, and get Ava buckled in. I come around my side and put my head near the quarterpanel. Sure as shit the engine is running. I get inside, keys in my hand, ignition empty, and marvel over the fact that my Ford is running on its own. Resigning to having started it by some means of magic I wasn’t aware of, I push the key into the ignition and put it in drive.

Only I don’t drive away. Instead the car shuts off immediately.

Seriously?

Look, my car has the capabilities to start on its own, that’s not some mystery. What the mystery is is that I didn’t do anything differently than I do every day of my life. I unlock the car, I get in. In the near 5 months I’ve had the car it’s never once started on its own. Not once. Even when I tried to get the fucking thing to start on its own it wouldn’t.

So what happened?

I don’t know, but you can bet your sweet ass I’m going to find out. The owner’s manual is sitting next to me. I’ll get to it. Right after I troubleshoot the cable problem I’m having.